You and I
by Starlite1997
Summary: Endou questions the world as he loses the one he loves, the next story in Last Words


_**- Endou's POV –**_

"_Sorry Endou" _Why are you sorry? You've been perfect. It's me who's the failure. His words still echoing throughout the cleared space in my head, the space where I held our memories together. Those vibrant memories that made me enjoy every moment we spent together. No matter how bad the situation, when you were there it all seemed better. Those walls and challenges were easy to surpass. All I needed was a strong wind to push by, and I'd try my hardest to achieve. What would I do without you? That I can't even answer. In my time of need, you were there. You saved the soccer club just by being there, and to make it better you encouraged us onwards. So for about the billionth time now, I'm asking myself, why'd you go? Why'd you leave me? I clench my fists and hit my head, "Why am I such an idiot!" From this roof I'm sure the entire world can hear me, and perhaps they're wondering the same thing, "What kind of stupid captain never managed to see one of his teammates was hurting?" Especially if it was the one he paid the most attention to.

As I stare at the weathered concrete of this terribly old roof, I'm not even smart enough to know if I'm crying. Rain water and tears feel exactly the same. I try to think back to the times when you were smiling along with me, and as I finally figure out that these drops of water on my cheek are tears, I discover most recently… you barely even grinned. Once again I have to ask, why are you sorry? I fail to notice every question I ask, drowns me further. _"Let's play soccer!" _Is that really what you think only crosses my mind. Most of the time I can't focus on soccer! You're the only thing I watch. For what seems like forever, you captivate my mind, as if you are the only being on this vast earth. Kazemaru, you are, and have always been, the one thing on my mind. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see piercing red eyes, from behind a blue surface. I don't need your pity Kidou; rather, I don't deserve it. Go away.

The rain is slowly chipping at my shell. But, I don't want to move. _"It sure is beautiful" _I said this when I went to the Steel Tower Plaza, that was the day you decided to join the team. We were looking at the sunset at that time, but you failed to notice I was looking at you when I said that. I recall seeing your face in complete horror when Hiroto shot his Ryuusei Blade. What did I do about that? Nothing. Not like that's not what I did before. I know he's stronger than us, but that's because you're gone. Without you, without that wind to push us on, how are we to do anything now. I can't eat, I'm hungry, but I can't eat. You push me to do things. Without you… it's better I don't say. I wish I wasn't so gutless. If I had the courage to tell you not to go, the way I wanted to, there would be a chance that you would have stayed. But I didn't. From inside I can hear people talking about Coach Hitomiko. Nasty stuff. Saying how it's her fault Kazemaru left. Well guys, avert your attention from her and gaze upon me a moment. Who is supposed to watch over the team? Me. Who is the one who was as clueless not to know anything about Kazemaru's feeling? Me. Who is at fault? Me. That answers very few questions in my mind. I can't tell the water dripping down my shirt is slowly suffocating me.

Why are they constantly checking in on me? Fubuki is in the hospital, and you're worrying about me? Please don't waste your time like this. Aki set a plate down in front of me. The clink of the glass against cement startled me back to life. I'm hungry, but never mind. Another question races through my already aching head. Is it masochistic to starve yourself? If it's for a good cause it shouldn't be. Now I hear them whispering about me. "Poor captain" "I hope he feels better" "I think Kazemaru-kun will come back" My heart stops. How can they be feeding themselves these lies? My fingers entangle themselves between the fence's diamond openings. And what if Kazemaru doesn't come back? Then what will we do! I tighten my grip on the fence, using all the strength he gave me. Why can't I face the fact he's gone! When I let go, my hand had several large, red, indents on it. The cost of thinking.

The sky is so beautiful right now, a perfect blend of blue and green, should I call that teal? "Ack!" It hurts too much. The overwhelming pain that is remembering you and the time I lost the best thing that ever happened to me. One question had been just been answered, you thought we were too weak. _"I don't believe we can win" _As one went another appeared. How could you think that? After all we've been through we always managed to end up as number one, and now you give up? I expected more from you Kazemaru, you probably feel the same. Can I tell you something? Probably not. I wouldn't speak to me if I were you. I wouldn't even come back. Do you think I deserve your smile? I can answer that with a question. Who made you frown? Easy answer, even an idiot like me couldn't get this incorrect. The daylight answer will always be me.

"Ack" I choke on a rain drop, or unidentified tear drop as I remember what else had said to me. _"I'm not strong like you are" _Who said I was strong? Whoever did is a liar, not you though Kazemaru-kun. If I'm that strong, why am I on a roof, near death from starvation, and refusing to eat? Can you tell me this? Well of course you can't. You left. Well that isn't a good reason to give up. But who do I have to tell me otherwise? There is no one left for me, you were the only thing I had to help me move on. Did a dropped rock fall into my stomach? It may as well have. While rubbing my wrist against the fence I clench my teeth, preparing for the pain I'm about to receive. Trading in one pain for another. A good solution right? A sharp piece of metal penetrates my tan skin, and into flesh. As a trail of blood drips from my voluntary joint, I dip my fingers into a mound collecting in my hand and wipe it along my eyes. Here we have another question answered. Blood drips down my face. I really am crying. I rub the mess off my face, but the pain I feel now can't compare to the pain I endured when you left.

"_Kazemaru!" _As you walked away I cried out your name. You took no notice to me; you left me there screaming your name like a fool. You hate me don't you? I wouldn't blame you if you did. People have always said I bring out the best in them, ever since the beginning of the Football Frontier. If only they realized who brought out the best in me. That was you. I clench the dark brown hair sprouting out from my damp orange headband. I'm feeling a mixture of things regarding when you left. _"What do you mean, can't?" _Why couldn't you fight with us anymore? I thought that all we had to do was believe that everything will get better and it will! Didn't you think that too? That arrives me at another wrenching point. What did you think? I've must've been too worked up in mastering those sure-kill techniques to even pay attention to you. It's my entire fault isn't it? "Ack!" What's wrong with me? The closer I am to finding my answers, the farther I am from you. I wish I was stronger. I wish I was strong like you. You didn't need anyone to help you onward. Instead, we all leaned on you for support. Where you tired? I'm sorry. Did I wear you out?

I wore you out, didn't I? I made you too weak to fight. No. You'll never be weak. I was weak. Compared to everyone else, I was the one who failed the most. They managed to steal the ball, and at least try to get it to Fubuki; another person I failed. But Genesis's powerful shoots just flew past me and into the goal. This takes me back to my first question, why are you sorry? I was the one who couldn't fight back, I was the weak one, I couldn't fight, I was the only one who. "Can't" What can't you do Kazemaru? You always managed to bring a spark of encouragement to the team. Even at the worst of times, just seeing you happy makes me smile. When I envision your sweet smile, my stomach feels like… moths are just flying around in there. To tell you the truth, I really like you. Not even like, I love you Kazemaru Ichirouta. When you walked away from me, I know I screamed, _"Kazemaru!" _But in the end I just whispered. "Please don't leave me, I need you" The plate in front of me is flooded, beside the soggy rice I can my own reflection. I push it away. I' m not what I want to see at the moment. The sky is lighter at the moment. The perfect shade of teal. From below me I see that boy, Tachimukai Yuuki, he's still practicing, even though the rain just started to let up.

What's he doing? Doesn't he know without Kazemaru, we don't have a chance? It's best he give up now. Everything we used to have is gone. It all disappeared along with those amber eyes. "Eh?" Your eyes were amber, a very bright and beautiful amber. I wanted to tell you that. I regret not. I remember staring at them from across the dining hall. Feeling even more entranced with every glance. "I miss that" I miss you Kazemaru. I miss your eyes. A captivating amber. I miss your smile. Warm and engulfing. I miss your laugh. Bright. I miss your hair. Is it wrong for me to miss your body? If it is, I don't care. "Hmm" These mixed emotions I'm feeling, are all raging through me, but the thing is. The one I feel most is regret.

Regret. I love you. These unanswered feelings of mine bubble around inside of me. But what do you think of me. Please don't tell me-


End file.
